Out There

I think my Ipod is thwarting my attempts to meet men. It seems everytime a good looking guy smiles at me, gives me the eye contact thing, or looks vaguely interested in me at one of the about three places I go where single men might be, it chooses to play Nickelback. (everyone has music on their Ipod they aren't proud of, mine is Nickelback. Okay, some of mine is Nickelback). Nickelback, oddly, does not enhance a hue of sexiness.

 Not that I really expect to meet someone at Wal-Mart or the grocery store, and I would probably be a little taken aback if some dude did just come up and try to get my number. Espescially since I run many of my errands AFTER I hit the gym, so often I am just hoping someone doesn't declare my sweaty self a public health hazard. Moving on to the original point, which is ...Now that my children are older, trying to have a social life is more about finding one than having one. And by social life, I guess I must admit I mean dating life...like you know the kind where you do the talking, the hanging out...And by talking I mean texting, the phone is like a committment-I'm no overachiever.  It might come as a surprise to people who knew me in the classroom, but I am incredibly shy, which is why I often hide under my headphones in stores and malls. (headphones that usually play awesome music like...well, anything but Nickelback.)  Eye contact or conversation with (attractive) strangers is not something I just strike up randomly.

I think this meeting "people" thing can be done, though. I see friends who find people only a few months after a divorce or who discuss their dating lives all the time. These are people who have children. These are people in my age range , give or take a few years. Where are they meeting all these dates? Or are all my friends just so stunning that available men/women flock to them and beg for their company?

Most of my family and friends have given me the same advice: go Online. This idea appeals to me about as much as running a marathon. I admire those of you who do, but no thanks- not for me. Perhaps it is the idea of having to describe myself in a profile. How do you do that and not sound like a total narcisst or a nutter?

Fun loving single mom of two enjoys reading, sports, exercising and plotting to move to England....Likes Harry Potter, Tosh.0,listening to rap/hip hop music, Will Smith movies, working at Victoria's Secret, going to church and spending time with my darling children....I'm two sentences in and I feel like a farce. I like to watch sports, not play them, so I'm not exactly down for some Kennedy style touch football. Of course I like to exercise, I buy $200 jeans, I want them to fit...Sometimes I yell at my darling children because they have trashed the house, broken the furniture, or refused to do chores. I've been known to oversleep Mass. So, I'm already a disappointment for the guy expecting an athletic, homeroom mother to arrive on his doorstop and begin crafting a Bible cover. 

Of course, I don't know, maybe  Prince Harry likes Kid Cudi, understands Quidditch and makes pound town jokes, too. Who knows? And let's face it, who doesn't like Will Smith movies? Maybe I'm not as weird as I think I am.

In the end, though, I don't understand the idea of picking someone from a description. How do you get that "feel", that gut instinct, or have the ability to explain yourself? Yes, I love rappers, but that doesn't mean I only want to date Wocka Flocka Flame. I'm just not a person who can sort and categorize people based on one trait or another. No to this guy because of his job, yes to this one because he, too, is a St. Louis Cardinals fan. I don't want someone to look at me that way-No because she seems a bit flaky or immature ( the pound town jokes, I guess); yes because she works at Victoria's Secret and is probably dying to show everyone her Dream Angels ( Oh yeah, those guys are out there, usually at the bar, drinking alone)

 (Not Me)

Online is out for me, I'm just too-um-unique.  I'd never make it past the profile anyway, I have ADD, I'd get distracted before I actually looked long enough to meet someone. I'd read two, have to Twitter about it, respond to one of my celebrity friends...and two hours later it would be time to go  to work, class, clean the house, or live my real life and my cyber dating would end before it started.

So  what else? The answer is...I don't know. When you are single and not in college anymore ( wait, I am in college...), Springfield doesn't offer many possibilities-or it seems. Unless there is a whole happening scene I'm not aware of, and maybe there is. I'm Catholic, so my church isn't exactly a hotbed of hook up action and as endearing as those Facebook stories of old flames are, I prefer to read about them in People. Most of my male friends from high school or college are married, and if they aren't- they are the people I've spoken about earlier in new happy relationships.

When I think of how hard it is to meet people, I am reminded again of how easy it is to curl up with a book or study every weekend when my kids are gone and simply not try. I think that is ultimately my problem. I am okay alone, I've been alone for a long time. I fill my time and quite frankly, I don't want anyone telling me what to do with it. I have days and weeks where I am so exhausted  or busy taking care of myself and the two people who already fill my heart, I really don't have a lot of room or energy left for anyone else, no matter how fabulous.  My job has helped me make new friends who seem to want to hang out with me. Even for a shy possibly immature nerd, I'm building a social life, slowly but surely.  I am aware I am not getting any younger and my employer isn't exactly asking me to model what I'm selling, so I know this "dating" thing isn't going to get any easier; but I am also aware of the high costs of a bad relationship. I've been there and I don't need someone to complete me, reassure me, or take care of me.

So, I don't know...maybe out there is the perfect person for me. But I doubt it, because perfect only happens in the Nicholas Sparks books I don't read. I don't need perfect, I'm fine with fun or makes me laugh & looks like Will Smith wouldn't hurt either. Is Peyton Manning married? Justin is still available, right? Where is Kanye when you need him?  But back to reality, I guess it's time to admit I'm "out there" (what's the worst that can happen, right?) Nickelback and all.