Angels

I love a good countdown. I used to keep countdowns on my board at school for important world events so my students could prepare themselves appropriately. And by important events, I mean Harry Potter movies, of course. My current countdown is for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I'm pretty excited about this. Why? Because I work there. Actually, to be perfectally honest I would be more excited if I was attending the Kanye-Jay-Z concert the same night in Kansas City-but unless some extremely generous benefactor presents themselves at the last minute (Kanye can you hear me?) I will probably be watching the Fashion Show at home. I think I'm going to try and have a party. You can come.
I have a lot to celebrate, when it comes to the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (besides the fact that Kanye will be performing, pre-recorded). For one, it is after Black Friday. I have never worked in retail on a Black Friday and I'm pretty excited about working my first one. I may feel differently after an 8 hour day of it. But I doubt it. I believe everything happens for a reason and that God has a plan for me, I admit sometimes my faith waivers but it never crumbles. My last year of teaching it waivered like wheat in the wind, I wasn't sure what my life had become or who I was. I spent most of my days hiding in my room, my free periods or lunch periods under my headphones trying to use music as an diversion. One of the few places I really felt happy was when I escaped for some retail therapy at my favorite store, Victoria's Secret. I liked how I felt when I was there. I liked how I was treated. I liked the pink striped bags and tissue paper; I stacked them in the corner of my room because they seemed too pretty to throw away. I was thrilled when I was hired, but nervous. I had no retail experience and I was overwhelmed with all I had to learn. I wanted to be the best IMMEDIATLY and I was not. I was kind of like the girl at the club that you want to tell stop trying so hard-you're awkward and even though we feel sorry for you honey, no thanks.
I kept trying and my managers and coworkers patiently showed me how to improve. And, eventually, I did. I am naturally shy, but moreso I had retreated into a protective shell at school that I slowly crawled out of at my new job. I began to notice that people smiled at me when I came to work. They seemed happy to see me. If I didn't know how to do something they gave a suggestion- one I could try on one person instead of a room full of thirty 15 year olds. My managers gave genuine positive feedback, the people I worked with seemed so happy to be at work. I slowly started talking instead of just watching and listening. People seemed to like me...I seemed to fit in a little bit. My last day at Willard-one with many tears-I worked that evening at Victoria's Secret, it seemed a natural transition. I had moved on, I was okay. Now it's hard to believe I've only been there a little over six months; the goals, terms and mindset of retail is normal, not awkward, to me now. 

(Still, not me)

Just like those who will be walking the runway in a few weeks, I am (technically) an Angel. No, I don't run around announcing that or using it as a pick up line. But, I am very proud to work for the company that calls me an Angel, even if I am not beautiful. The "Angel Gang" I work with has accepted me-as I am-and helped me learn a job I really love. One of the best things about working at store 349 are the events we have and the time we, as a store celebrate together. We had another successful Pink Nation event the other night and I was fortunate enough to begin what I believe will be my future as a Victoria's Secret model. I am sure once Associate Monthly sees the photos of me sporting my Pink jacket, I will be asked to don it and the angel wings next year. But even if corporate is not looking for 29 year old (cough, cough) 5 foot 5 models, I will cherish my Pink Nation jacket memory; not only for my brush with fabulousness, but mostly for the look on my manager Abby's face when she brought it to me. She was laughing, I was laughing and it was the laughter shared by people who know and are comfortable with each other. As we all laughed and hammed it up through out the night, it is the feeling of being a part of something that I will celebrate as I watch the Show in a few weeks.
I had to stop by my old workplace the other day to drop something off, the one where I used to hide and duck my head as I walked the halls. I was on my way to work, dressed in my black clothes, my "Lindsay heels", wearing that new sparkle eye shadow we have. I walked in with my head held high, my shoulders back, and a sense of self I hadn't had in the last time I'd been in the building. The office secretary looked at me with that look where you think you recognise someone but aren't sure, and I can see why. Confidence and happiness can change a person. It wasn't until I was back in my car, pulling out of the parking lot and listening to Kanye's Stronger that I really realized the difference in how I'd carried myself and how I'd felt. That, I believe, was my runway walk. The only thing missing was the coat.