Dear Gen X: I Quit

There are a great many things in the world I don't understand. For instance, all things Kardashian; "cat people"; math; politicians; Justin Bieber's fabulous hair, the no-text-back, Celine Dion's career. I'd like to venture into my confusion about the lack of Grammy nominations for Kanye but I'm choosing to focus my attention on a confusion I can hope to clarify with some hard work and commitment from all of us. I'm very fortunate to work at a shop that sells products I love, believe in, and proudly wear. As a matter of fact, the urge to buy every new fabulous thing we bring out is one of the difficulties of my job. However, I have noticed a recent decline in my attraction for a few simple reasons. Neon colors and  metallic shine for starters. I'm certainly not criticising Victoria's Secret, because I've seen it in other shops too. Jeans looking suspiciously acid-washed, big feather earrings, patterned tights, ankle boots, bubble skirts. I know where this is headed; as my daughter said the other day "The '80's are back, Mom" (insert teen eye roll here). To which I say "Noooooooo." "Stop It" "Not on my Watch."

(Do you want to dress like this?)

Don't get me wrong, I have a healthy respect for some of the best products of the 80's, and by best products I mean movies. Ferris Bueller, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, Mermaids, are just a few of the wonderful examples of cinema excellence that should be revered for their contributions to society; but there is a fine line between healthy respect and revival, my friends. And that line is here-watch Flashdance if you'd like but don't wear the clothes. Or feel free to watch if I made good on my threat to publicly recreate dance scenes from that movie in protest if I see anymore 80's inspired fashion cross the threshold of my usually adorable work place. I can find some leg warmers and cut the neck out of a sweatshirt pretty easily-leg warmers are just one of the nasty little fashion nightmares I've noticed slithering back into acceptance.

It starts here and the next thing you know, we're all teasing our hair with some White Rain and Guns-n-Roses has a career again. Do you want tight-rolled jeans to come back. (By the way, Justin Timberlake officially has permission to bitchslap me if I ever attempt to tight roll my William Rasts) That's why I beg, plead, insist that you work with me to stop it. It may seem shocking-especially if you believe the bold face lie I call a "birth date" on Facebook-that I could remember so much from the '80's. After all I was only a few years old. Right? Let's just assume I've only researched this, or maybe my OLDER sisters told vivid stories; but memories and experience aside-I detest most things '80's.

Which brings me to my next point-I'm officially resigning from Generation X. I'm sure Gen X is behind this forcing of all things big, loud and shoulder-padded on a younger unsuspecting generation; and it's not just the evil fashion plot that makes me want out. I just don't fit in here, it's time to find a new crew (as a rapper would say) After I told my brother about my Britney blog, he told me very patiently "you know you are Gen X, not Y.." But I think I am a true Y at heart. To me, old school music is early Eminem, TLC, Destiny's Child, Puff Daddy or Tupac. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire is classic sitcom, not Family Ties. Harry Potter is the movie event of "my" generation, not  ET.  Sorry, Madonna but Beyonce is my icon-"Independent Women" defines me much more than "Material Girl." JT is my heartthrob not Rick Springfield. Don't call me, text me.  It only makes sense that I should just officially join Gen.Y.  I don't really have a lot in common with some of those clinging desperately at the fragments of yesteryear. And by yesteryear, I mean stop listening to RATT and calling it classic rock. Perhaps this is why I struggle so much in the dating world, sometimes it's hard to find common ground when your idea of "straight up now tell me" is J.Cole, and the person trying to relate to you is still stuck in Paula Abdul.

(Not Paula)

My mother says I have a Peter Pan complex, I say I just really love the Jay-Z song Young Forever. I don't understand people who say things like "I'm feeling my age." What does that mean? People who say this generally enjoy a lot of AC/DC and sitting on the couch. People who say this live in a safe comfortable environment and accept the rules/roles of their parent's generation. People who say this are using it as an excuse for being tired, depressed or just worn out. Sometimes, at the end of the day, my feet and back hurt. Sometimes I'm exhausted. But it's not "feeling my age" to me, it's feeling hours on a tile floor in 4 in heels, or a 6 mile run and time on the heavy bag. I like to think of life a bit like I think of sports talk radio guys-it's not about rehashing, and move on. Stop just talking about it.

I would stay young forever, if I could afford it. But Botox and surgery are expensive (maybe, someday!), so I make do the best I can with attitude and activity. I won't watch life go by, commenting on how much better things "used to be." Jersey Shore may be obnoxious, but so was Miami Vice. Living and learning is what keeps us young, or ages us beyond our years if we don't open our minds and ideas. It's like that (old school) song "you only get one shot" so Lose Yourself in the Now instead of the mirror and the memories. Somewhere out there is a new adventure, and it should not be attempted in neon clothing and twister beads. Leave the past where it belongs and live in today. You may decide to join a new generation, too.

(He really did bring Sexy Back)